If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
