from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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