I cannot find my penis.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
