you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
