If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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