He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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