in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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