we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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