We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
