Will you blow on my dice?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
