Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The best revenge is premature balding
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
