So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize