Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
