All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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