so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
