3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I look better un-naked...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
