yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
