Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he shaved USA in his pubs
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
