is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize