I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
