I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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