At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
