Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
