ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My legs feel like baby dolphins
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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