First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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