Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
