Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
