If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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