Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
