I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
