At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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