So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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