Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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