I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
