Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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