I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
