the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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