Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
