it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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