i don't like sucking hair
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
