I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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