My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
