he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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