Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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