hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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