I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
