I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
