tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
