I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
