i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
