do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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