The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
