Plan B is the new Plan A
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
