this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
