The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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