He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
