After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
