I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
