Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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