Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize