So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
