Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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