The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
