Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
