You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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