moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
