not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
