I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
